If You Keep Hope Alive, It Keeps You Alive – We Are Expecting!

20 weeks.jpg

20 weeks pregnant. Picture taken in our Paris hotel room.

I’ve already made it Instagram and Facebook official about our pregnancy but realized that I have have not formally shared it on the blog.

We. Are. Expecting! 

We found out before Christmas that I was pregnant and shortly after Christmas that we are expecting identical twins! IDENTICAL TWINS!!

I sat in my car and cried before the six week ultrasound expecting for the worse and cried after the ultrasound with happy tears and in shock. God works in mysterious way but He heard our prayers.

To be honest, I thought we couldn’t have anymore kids and that was partly the reason why I shared a blog post about how awesome it was to have one child, which it truly is.

We’ve been through a lot of challenges these past four years. Especially with the first miscarriage that happened in March 2014. In a way, I feel like I’ve lost my sense of innocence, especially in the sense of trying to conceive and learning to deal with loss. I will go into that in more detail in a future post, but for today, I want to keep this post upbeat as I want to celebrate life and the miracle of life.

I’ve gotten a lot of questions from friends and followers on this pregnancy and I wanted share some of our answers on this blog post.

OMG! Stop! STFU!

This was the initial reaction when we told our family and friends that we are expecting identical twins. It was really fun to tell them since it brought so much joy to us and them. Most knew about our struggle to conceive so some friends cried when we told them the news. I cried too. Thanks to all the friends who have been there for us along the way.

Were You Trying? 

Yes and No. This pregnancy was a surprise to me. I was finally at peace around the summer of last year with not having another child. I accepted it and was ready to move on. I asked Charlie to get rid of all of Luke’s baby stuff (crib, stroller, etc.) as a way to let go. In the back of my mind, I still felt like something was missing from our family but I knew I shouldn’t dwell on it all the time. So of course, every month I was holding my breath in the hopes of being pregnant. But late last year, I didn’t think about it anymore. And just when I didn’t think about it, it happened.

Do Twins Run in Your Family?

No. This was a spontaneous pregnancy as the doctors call it. One ultrasound technician told us that identical twins happen to older women. I am 42.

Did You Do IVF? 

No. We did not do IVF. We tried IVF three years ago and it didn’t work. We stopped after two cycles. It was an emotional rollercoaster that I wished would have resulted in a baby but it didn’t. I don’t regret going through it as the people at FCI were very good to us.

Does Luke Know? What Was His Reaction? 

Luke found out when I was six weeks pregnant. We were not planning on telling him but he saw the ultrasound pictures and asked what it was. We couldn’t lie to him or hide it from him so we told him. At first he was confused. He asked why there were two babies instead of one baby in my belly. Then there was a long pause….then he asked if he could still have his puppy when he turns eight years old. LOL! We had promised him a puppy when we thought we were not having anymore kids. Some promises my need to be broken…

Are You Finding Out the Gender? 

No. We have prayed for another child for so long that what we have now are just miracles and blessings. We will be happy either way. We are just praying for healthy babies.

When Are You Due? 

Mid-August. But because we are expecting twins, I will be induced by the end of July (if all goes well).

Are You Going to Move? 

Eventually but for now we are staying put. It will be crowded in our house but we will need to learn to live with less.

The High Risk Nature of this Pregnancy

As fun and exciting as it is to share this news, I also feel like I have to add that this pregnancy is high risk not only due to my age but due to the fact that the twins are what the professionals refer to Monochorionic Diamniotic twins or “Moni Di”. They have their own amniotic sacs, but share a placenta, which means there are risks in fluid and blood intake. I have to be monitored every two weeks. I worry about it every day because I’m scared if both of them will be okay. And every time I come in for an ultrasound, I take a deep breath because I’m scared of the possible loss. It’s a hard thought not to have as we have experienced miscarriages before.

We have come so far but I’ve realized we have a long road ahead.

I’m still in shock and it still feels surreal. I’m freaked out and very scared.

I never lost hope throughout the past four years. Hope is what I held onto in my darkest moments. Hope is what kept me going. I hold on to this hope that the twins will be okay.




7 thoughts on “If You Keep Hope Alive, It Keeps You Alive – We Are Expecting!

  1. laurenkahan says:

    I can’t even express how overjoyed I am for you all! I know that I’ve told you, but had to say it here as well.

    AND…for someone who hates to ask questions, I LOVE this post!!! And it truly does go to show you….”IF YOU KEEP HOPE ALIVE, IT KEEPS YOU ALIVE” .

    What a great title to this post. I’m a firm believer! I cannot wait to see those little bundles of joys, and only regret that I don’t live closer!!!


    • Second City Mom says:

      Thank you so much, Lauren!! And thanks for all your support throughout this journey. I know you have read the past posts and I so appreciate your feedback. I hope to meet you one day…hopefully in Seattle!

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